Dirty Work Read online

  Produced by David Widger

  DEEP WATERS

  By W.W. JACOBS

  DIRTY WORK

  It was nearly high-water, and the night-watchman, who had stepped aboarda lighter lying alongside the wharf to smoke a pipe, sat with half-closedeyes enjoying the summer evening. The bustle of the day was over, thewharves were deserted, and hardly a craft moved on the river. Perfumedclouds of shag, hovering for a time over the lighter, floated lazilytowards the Surrey shore.

  "There's one thing about my job," said the night-watchman, slowly, "it'sdone all alone by yourself. There's no foreman a-hollering at you andoffering you a penny for your thoughts, and no mates to run into you frombehind with a loaded truck and then ask you why you didn't look whereyou're going to. From six o'clock in the evening to six o'clock nextmorning I'm my own master."

  He rammed down the tobacco with an experienced forefinger and puffedcontentedly.

  People like you 'ud find it lonely (he continued, after a pause); I didat fust. I used to let people come and sit 'ere with me of an eveningtalking, but I got tired of it arter a time, and when one chap felloverboard while 'e was showing me 'ow he put his wife's mother in 'erplace, I gave it up altogether. There was three foot o' mud in the dockat the time, and arter I 'ad got 'im out, he fainted in my arms.

  Arter that I kept myself to myself. Say wot you like, a man's bestfriend is 'imself. There's nobody else'll do as much for 'im, or let 'imoff easier when he makes a mistake. If I felt a bit lonely I used toopen the wicket in the gate and sit there watching the road, and p'r'apspass a word or two with the policeman. Then something 'appened one nightthat made me take quite a dislike to it for a time.

  I was sitting there with my feet outside, smoking a quiet pipe, when I'eard a bit of a noise in the distance. Then I 'eard people running andshouts of "Stop, thief!" A man came along round the corner full pelt,and, just as I got up, dashed through the wicket and ran on to the wharf.I was arter 'im like a shot and got up to 'im just in time to see himthrow something into the dock. And at the same moment I 'eard the otherpeople run past the gate.

  "Wot's up?" I ses, collaring 'im.

  "Nothing," he ses, breathing 'ard and struggling. "Let me go."

  He was a little wisp of a man, and I shook 'im like a dog shakes a rat.I remembered my own pocket being picked, and I nearly shook the breathout of 'im.

  "And now I'm going to give you in charge," I ses, pushing 'im alongtowards the gate.

  "Wot for?" he ses, purtending to be surprised.

  "Stealing," I ses.

  "You've made a mistake," he ses; "you can search me if you like."

  "More use to search the dock," I ses. "I see you throw it in. Now youkeep quiet, else you'll get 'urt. If you get five years I shall be allthe more pleased."

  I don't know 'ow he did it, but 'e did. He seemed to sink away betweenmy legs, and afore I knew wot was 'appening, I was standing upside downwith all the blood rushing to my 'ead. As I rolled over he boltedthrough the wicket, and was off like a flash of lightning.

  A couple o' minutes arterwards the people wot I 'ad 'eard run past cameback agin. There was a big fat policeman with 'em--a man I'd seen aforeon the beat--and, when they 'ad gorn on, he stopped to 'ave a word withme.

  "'Ot work," he ses, taking off his 'elmet and wiping his bald 'ead with alarge red handkerchief. "I've lost all my puff."

  "Been running?" I ses, very perlite.

  "Arter a pickpocket," he ses. "He snatched a lady's purse just as shewas stepping aboard the French boat with her 'usband. 'Twelve pounds init in gold, two peppermint lozenges, and a postage stamp.'"

  He shook his 'ead, and put his 'elmet on agin.

  "Holding it in her little 'and as usual," he ses. "Asking for trouble, Icall it. I believe if a woman 'ad one hand off and only a finger andthumb left on the other, she'd carry 'er purse in it."

  He knew a'most as much about wimmen as I do. When 'is fust wife died,she said 'er only wish was that she could take 'im with her, and she made'im promise her faithful that 'e'd never marry agin. His second wife,arter a long illness, passed away while he was playing hymns on theconcertina to her, and 'er mother, arter looking at 'er very hard, wentto the doctor and said she wanted an inquest.

  He went on talking for a long time, but I was busy doing a bit of 'ead-work and didn't pay much attention to 'im. I was thinking o' twelvepounds, two lozenges, and a postage stamp laying in the mud at the bottomof my dock, and arter a time 'e said 'e see as 'ow I was waiting to getback to my night's rest, and went off--stamping.

  I locked the wicket when he 'ad gorn away, and then I went to the edge ofthe dock and stood looking down at the spot where the purse 'ad beenchucked in. The tide was on the ebb, but there was still a foot or twoof water atop of the mud. I walked up and down, thinking.

  I thought for a long time, and then I made up my mind. If I got thepurse and took it to the police-station, the police would share the moneyout between 'em, and tell me they 'ad given it back to the lady. If Ifound it and put a notice in the newspaper--which would cost money--verylikely a dozen or two ladies would come and see me and say it was theirs.Then if I gave it to the best-looking one and the one it belonged toturned up, there'd be trouble. My idea was to keep it--for a time--andthen if the lady who lost it came to me and asked me for it I would giveit to 'er.

  Once I had made up my mind to do wot was right I felt quite 'appy, andarter a look up and down, I stepped round to the Bear's Head and 'ad acouple o' goes o' rum to keep the cold out. There was nobody in therebut the landlord, and 'e started at once talking about the thief, and 'owhe 'ad run arter him in 'is shirt-sleeves.

  "My opinion is," he ses, "that 'e bolted on one of the wharves and 'id'imself. He disappeared like magic. Was that little gate o' yoursopen?"

  "I was on the wharf," I ses, very cold.

  "You might ha' been on the wharf and yet not 'ave seen anybody come on,"he ses, nodding.

  "Wot d'ye mean?" I ses, very sharp. "Nothing," he ses. "Nothing."

  "Are you trying to take my character away?" I ses, fixing 'im with myeye.

  "Lo' bless me, no!" he ses, staring at me. "It's no good to me."

  He sat down in 'is chair behind the bar and went straight off to sleepwith his eyes screwed up as tight as they would go. Then 'e openedhis mouth and snored till the glasses shook. I suppose I've been one ofthe best customers he ever 'ad, and that's the way he treated me. Fortwo pins I'd ha' knocked 'is ugly 'ead off, but arter waking him up verysudden by dropping my glass on the floor I went off back to the wharf.

  I locked up agin, and 'ad another look at the dock. The water 'ad nearlygone and the mud was showing in patches. My mind went back to asailorman wot had dropped 'is watch over-board two years before, andfound it by walking about in the dock in 'is bare feet. He found it moreeasy because the glass broke when he trod on it.

  The evening was a trifle chilly for June, but I've been used to roughingit all my life, especially when I was afloat, and I went into the officeand began to take my clothes off. I took off everything but my pants,and I made sure o' them by making braces for 'em out of a bit of string.Then I turned the gas low, and, arter slipping on my boots, went outside.

  It was so cold that at fust I thought I'd give up the idea. The longer Istood on the edge looking at the mud the colder it looked, but at last Iturned round and went slowly down the ladder. I waited a moment at thebottom, and was just going to step off when I remembered that I 'ad gotmy boots on, and I 'ad to go up agin and take 'em off.

  I went down very slow the next time, and anybody who 'as been down aniron ladder with thin, cold rungs, in their bare feet, will know why,and I had just dipped my left foot in, when the wharf-bell rang.

  I 'oped at fust that
it was a runaway-ring, but it kept on, and thelonger it kept on, the worse it got. I went up that ladder agin andcalled out that I was coming, and then I went into the office and justslipped on my coat and trousers and went to the gate.

  "Wot d'you want?" I ses, opening the wicket three or four