Captains All Read online

  Produced by David Widger

  CAPTAINS ALL

  By W.W. Jacobs

  CAPTAINS ALL

  "Captains All."]

  Every sailorman grumbles about the sea, said the night-watchman,thoughtfully. It's human nature to grumble, and I s'pose they keep ongrumbling and sticking to it because there ain't much else they can do.There's not many shore-going berths that a sailorman is fit for, andthose that they are--such as a night-watchman's, for instance--wants sucha good character that there's few as are to equal it.

  Sometimes they get things to do ashore. I knew one man that took upbutchering, and 'e did very well at it till the police took him up.Another man I knew gave up the sea to marry a washerwoman, and theyhadn't been married six months afore she died, and back he 'ad to go tosea agin, pore chap.

  A man who used to grumble awful about the sea was old Sam Small--a manI've spoke of to you before. To hear 'im go on about the sea, arter he'ad spent four or five months' money in a fortnight, was 'artbreaking.He used to ask us wot was going to happen to 'im in his old age, and whenwe pointed out that he wouldn't be likely to 'ave any old age if hewasn't more careful of 'imself he used to fly into a temper and call useverything 'e could lay his tongue to.

  One time when 'e was ashore with Peter Russet and Ginger Dick he seemedto 'ave got it on the brain. He started being careful of 'is moneyinstead o' spending it, and three mornings running he bought a newspaperand read the advertisements, to see whether there was any comfortableberth for a strong, good-'arted man wot didn't like work.

  He actually went arter one situation, and, if it hadn't ha' been forseventy-nine other men, he said he believed he'd ha' had a good chance ofgetting it. As it was, all 'e got was a black eye for shoving anotherman, and for a day or two he was so down-'arted that 'e was no company atall for the other two.

  For three or four days 'e went out by 'imself, and then, all of a sudden,Ginger Dick and Peter began to notice a great change in him. He seemedto 'ave got quite cheerful and 'appy. He answered 'em back pleasant whenthey spoke to 'im, and one night he lay in 'is bed whistling comic songsuntil Ginger and Peter Russet 'ad to get out o' bed to him. When hebought a new necktie and a smart cap and washed 'imself twice in one daythey fust began to ask each other wot was up, and then they asked him.

  "Up?" ses Sam; "nothing."

  "He's in love," ses Peter Russet.

  "You're a liar," ses Sam, without turning round.

  "He'll 'ave it bad at 'is age," ses Ginger.

  Sam didn't say nothing, but he kept fidgeting about as though 'e'd gotsomething on his mind. Fust he looked out o' the winder, then he 'ummeda tune, and at last, looking at 'em very fierce, he took a tooth-brushwrapped in paper out of 'is pocket and began to clean 'is teeth.

  "He is in love," ses Ginger, as soon as he could speak.

  "Or else 'e's gorn mad," ses Peter, watching 'im. "Which is it, Sam?"

  Sam made believe that he couldn't answer 'im because o' the tooth-brush,and arter he'd finished he 'ad such a raging toothache that 'e sat in acorner holding 'is face and looking the pictur' o' misery. They couldn'tget a word out of him till they asked 'im to go out with them, and thenhe said 'e was going to bed. Twenty minutes arterwards, when Ginger Dickstepped back for 'is pipe, he found he 'ad gorn.

  He tried the same game next night, but the other two wouldn't 'ave it,and they stayed in so long that at last 'e lost 'is temper, and, arterwondering wot Ginger's father and mother could ha' been a-thinking about,and saying that he believed Peter Russet 'ad been changed at birth for asea-sick monkey, he put on 'is cap and went out. Both of 'em follered'im sharp, but when he led 'em to a mission-hall, and actually wentinside, they left 'im and went off on their own.

  They talked it over that night between themselves, and next evening theywent out fust and hid themselves round the corner. Ten minutesarterwards old Sam came out, walking as though 'e was going to catch atrain; and smiling to think 'ow he 'ad shaken them off. At the corner ofCommercial Road he stopped and bought 'imself a button-hole for 'is coat,and Ginger was so surprised that 'e pinched Peter Russet to make surethat he wasn't dreaming.

  Old Sam walked straight on whistling, and every now and then looking downat 'is button-hole, until by-and-by he turned down a street on the rightand went into a little shop. Ginger Dick and Peter waited for 'im at thecorner, but he was inside for so long that at last they got tired o'waiting and crept up and peeped through the winder.

  It was a little tobacconist's shop, with newspapers and penny toys andsuch-like; but, as far as Ginger could see through two rows o' pipes andthe Police News, it was empty. They stood there with their noses pressedagainst the glass for some time, wondering wot had 'appened to Sam, butby-and-by a little boy went in and then they began to 'ave an idea wotSam's little game was.

  As the shop-bell went the door of a little parlour at the back of theshop opened, and a stout and uncommon good-looking woman of about fortycame out. Her 'ead pushed the _Police News_ out o' the way and her 'andcame groping into the winder arter a toy.

  Ginger 'ad a good look at 'er out o' the corner of one eye, while hepretended to be looking at a tobacco-jar with the other. As the littleboy came out 'im and Peter Russet went in.

  "I want a pipe, please," he ses, smiling at 'er; "a clay pipe--one o' yourbest." The woman handed 'im down a box to choose from, and just thenPeter, wot 'ad been staring in at the arf-open door at a boot wot wantedlacing up, gave a big start and ses, "Why! Halloa!"

  "Wot's the matter?" ses the woman, looking at 'im.

  "I'd know that foot anywhere," ses Peter, still staring at it; and thewords was hardly out of 'is mouth afore the foot 'ad moved itself awayand tucked itself under its chair. "Why, that's my dear old friend SamSmall, ain't it?"

  "Do you know the captin?" ses the woman, smiling at 'im.

  "Cap----?" ses Peter. "Cap----? Oh, yes; why, he's the biggest friendI've got." "'Ow strange!" ses the woman.

  "We've been wanting to see 'im for some time," ses Ginger. "He was kindenough to lend me arf a crown the other day, and I've been wanting to pay'im."

  "Captin Small," ses the woman, pushing open the door, "here's some oldfriends o' yours."

  Old Sam turned 'is face round and looked at 'em, and if looks could ha'killed, as the saying is, they'd ha' been dead men there and then.

  "Oh, yes," he ses, in a choking voice; "'ow are you?"

  "Pretty well, thank you, captin," ses Ginger, grinning at 'im; "and 'ow'syourself arter all this long time?"

  He held out 'is hand and Sam shook it, and then shook 'ands with PeterRusset, who was grinning so 'ard that he couldn't speak.

  "These are two old friends o' mine, Mrs. Finch," ses old Sam, giving 'ema warning look; "Captin Dick and Captin Russet, two o' the oldest andbest friends a man ever 'ad."

  "Captin Dick 'as got arf a crown for you," ses Peter Russet, stillgrinning.

  "There now," ses Ginger, looking vexed, "if I ain't been and forgot it;I've on'y got arf a sovereign."

  "I can give you change, sir," ses Mrs. Finch. "P'r'aps you'd like to sitdown for five minutes?"

  Ginger thanked 'er, and 'im and Peter Russet took a chair apiece in fronto' the fire and began asking old Sam about 'is 'ealth, and wot he'd beendoing since they saw 'im last.

  "Fancy your reckernizing his foot," ses Mrs. Finch, coming in with thechange.

  "I'd know it anywhere," ses Peter, who was watching Ginger pretending togive Sam Small the 'arf-dollar, and Sam pretending in a most lifelikemanner to take it.

  Ginger Dick looked round the room. It was a comfortable little place,with pictures on the walls and antimacassars on all the chairs, and a rowof pink vases on the mantelpiece. Then 'e looked at Mrs. Finch, andthought wot a nice-looking woman she
was.

  "This is nicer than being aboard ship with a crew o' nasty, troublesomesailormen to look arter,