His Lordship's Leopard: A Truthful Narration of Some Impossible Facts Read online

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  HER LADYSHIP'S ELEPHANT

  By DAVID DWIGHT WELLS. With cover by WM. NICHOLSON, 10th Impression.12mo. $1.25.

  A very humorous story, dealing with English society, growing out ofcertain experiences of the author while a member of our Embassy inLondon. The elephant's experiences, also, are based on facts.

  _The Nation_: "He is probably funny because he cannot help it.... Againand again excites spontaneous laughter, is such a boon that its authormust consent to be regarded as a benefactor of his kind withoutresponsibility."

  _New York Tribune_: "Mr. Wells allows his sense of humor to play aboutthe personalities of half a dozen men and women whose lives, for a fewbrief, extraordinary days, are inextricably intertwined with the life ofthe aforesaid monarch of the jungle.... Smacks of fun which can becreated by clever actors placed in excruciatingly droll situations."

  _Philadelphia Times_: "As breezy a bit of fiction as the reading publichas lately been offered. Amusing from the first page to the last, uniquein conception, and absolutely uproarious in plot."

  _New York Commercial Advertiser_: "A really delicious chain ofabsurdities which are based upon American independence and impudence;... exceedingly amusing."

  _Outlook_: "Full of amusing situations."

  _Buffalo Express_: "So amusing is the book that the reader is almost tootired to laugh when the elephant puts in his appearance."

  HENRY HOLT & CO.New York.

  HIS LORDSHIP'S LEOPARD

  _A TRUTHFUL NARRATION OFSOME IMPOSSIBLE FACTS_

  BYDAVID DWIGHT WELLS_Author of "Her Ladyship's Elephant"_

  NEW YORKHENRY HOLT AND COMPANY1900

  Copyright, 1900,BYHENRY HOLT & CO.

  WARNING!

  The ensuing work is a serious attempt to while away an idle hour. Thebest criticism that the author received of "Her Ladyship's Elephant" wasfrom an old lady who wrote him that it had made her forget a toothache;the most discouraging, from a critic who approached the book as _seriousliterature_ and treated it according to the standards of _the highercriticism_.

  The author takes this occasion to state that he has never been guilty ofwriting literature, serious or otherwise, and that if any one considersthis book a fit subject for the application of the higher criticism, hewill treat it as a just ground for an action for libel.

  If the _minimum opus_ possesses an intrinsic value, it lies in theexplanation of the whereabouts of a Spanish gunboat, which, during ourlate unpleasantness with Spain, the yellow journalists insisted waspatrolling the English Channel, in spite of the fact that the U. S.Board of Strategy knew that every available ship belonging to thatnation was better employed somewhere else.

  Should this _expose_ ruffle another English see, so much the worse forthe Bishop.

  CONTENTS.

  PART I.

  _AMERICA_.

  CHAPTER I.

  PAGE

  IN WHICH CECIL BANBOROUGH ACHIEVES FAME, AND THE "DAILY LEADER" A "SCOOP" 3

  CHAPTER II.

  IN WHICH CECIL BANBOROUGH ATTEMPTS TO DRIVE PUBLIC OPINION 18

  CHAPTER III.

  IN WHICH CECIL BANBOROUGH DRIVES A BLACK MARIA 36

  CHAPTER IV.

  IN WHICH THE BLACK MARIA RECEIVES A NEW INMATE 54

  CHAPTER V.

  IN WHICH THE PARTY RECEIVES A NEW IMPETUS 72

  CHAPTER VI.

  IN WHICH THE BISHOP OF BLANFORD RECEIVES A BLACK EYE 92

  CHAPTER VII.

  IN WHICH A LINE IS DRAWN AND CROSSED 107

  CHAPTER VIII.

  IN WHICH A LOCKET IS ACCEPTED AND A RING REFUSED 131

  PART II.

  _ENGLAND_.

  CHAPTER I.

  IN WHICH MRS. MACKINTOSH ADMIRES JONAH 151

  CHAPTER II.

  IN WHICH THE ENEMY ARRIVES 173

  CHAPTER III.

  IN WHICH PEACE IS PROPOSED AND WAR DECLARED 198

  CHAPTER IV.

  IN WHICH THE BISHOP IS ABDUCTED 222

  CHAPTER V.

  IN WHICH THE BISHOP EATS JAM TART, AND MISS MATILDA HUMBLE-PIE 250

  CHAPTER VI.

  IN WHICH MISS ARMINSTER PROPOSES TO MARRY AGAIN 269

  CHAPTER VII.

  IN WHICH MISS ARMINSTER VERIFIES THE PROVERB 288

  PART I.

  _AMERICA_.