The Old Soldier's Story: Poems and Prose Sketches Read online

  "And now who will tell us of what the peanut is composed. Let us havequick responses now. Time is fleeting! Of what is the peanut composed?'The hull and the goody,' some one answers. Yes, 'the hull and thegoody' in vulgar parlance, but how much better it would be to saysimply, the shell and the kernel. Would not that sound better? Yes, Ithought you would agree with me there!

  "And now who will tell me the color of the peanut! And be careful now!for I shouldn't like to hear you make the very stupid blunder I onceheard a little boy make in reply to the same question. Would you liketo hear what color the stupid little boy said the peanut was? Youwould, eh? Well, now, how many of you would like to hear what colorthe stupid little boy said the peanut was? Come now, let's have anexpression. All who would like to hear what color the stupid littleboy said the peanut was, may hold up their right hands. Very good,very good--there, that will do.

  "Well, it was during a professional visit I was once called upon tomake to a neighboring city, where I was invited to address thechildren of a free school--Hands down, now, little boy--founded forthe exclusive benefit of the little newsboys and bootblacks, who, itseems, had not the means to defray the expenses of the commonesteducational accessories, and during an object lessen--identical withthe one before us now--for it is a favorite one of mine--I propoundedthe question, what is the color of the peanut? Many answers were givenin response, but none as sufficiently succinct and apropos as I deemedthe facts demanded; and so at last I personally addressed a ragged,but, as I then thought, a bright-eyed little fellow, when judge of mysurprise, in reply to my question what is the color of the peanut, thelittle fellow, without the slightest gleam of intelligence lighting uphis face, answered, that 'if not scorched in roasting, the peanut wasa blond.' Why, I was almost tempted to join in the general merrimenthis inapposite reply elicited. But I occupy your attention withtrivial things; and as I notice the time allotted to me has slippedaway, we will drop the peanut for the present. Trusting the few factsgleaned from a topic so homely and unpromising will sink deep in yourminds, in time to bloom and blossom in the fields of futureusefulness--I--I----I thank you."

  THE END