Keeping Up Appearances Read online

reasons: fust of all, because she didn'twant 'im to take to drink agin; and secondly, for fear of wot he might doto 'er if 'e found out 'ow she'd been deceiving 'im.

  She was laying awake thinking it over one night while Bill was sleepingpeaceful by her side, when all of a sudden she 'ad an idea. The more shethought of it the better it seemed; but she laid awake for ever so longafore she dared to do more than think. Three or four times she turnedand looked at Bill and listened to 'im breathing, and then, trembling allover with fear and excitement, she began 'er little game.

  "He did send it," she ses, with a piercing scream. "He did send it."

  "W-w-wot's the matter?" ses Bill, beginning to wake up.

  Mrs. Burtenshaw didn't take any notice of 'im.

  "He did send it," she ses, screaming agin. "Every Friday night reg'lar.Oh, don't let 'im see you agin."

  Bill, wot was just going to ask 'er whether she 'ad gone mad, gave aawful 'owl and disappeared right down in the middle o' the bed.

  "There's some mistake," ses Mrs. Burtenshaw, in a voice that could ha'been 'eard through arf-a-dozen beds easy. "It must ha' been lost in thepost. It must ha' been."

  She was silent for a few seconds, then she ses, "All right," she ses,"I'll bring it myself, then, by hand every week. No, Bill sha'n't come;I'll promise that for 'im. Do go away; he might put his 'ead up at anymoment."

  She began to gasp and sob, and Bill began to think wot a good wife he 'adgot, when he felt 'er put a couple of pillers over where she judged his'ead to be, and hold 'em down with her arm.

  "Thank you, Mr. Winch," she ses, very loud. "Thank you. Good-by,Good-by."

  She began to quieten down a bit, although little sobs, like wimmen usewhen they pretend that they want to leave off crying but can't, keptbreaking out of 'er. Then, by and by, she quieted down altogether and ahusky voice from near the foot of the bed ses: "Has it gorn?"

  "Oh, Bill," she ses, with another sob, "I've seen the ghost!"

  "Has it gorn?" ses Bill, agin.

  "Yes, it's gorn," ses his wife, shivering. "Oh, Bill, it stood at thefoot of the bed looking at me, with its face and 'ands all shiny white,and damp curls on its forehead. Oh!"

  Bill came up very slow and careful, but with 'is eyes still shut.

  "His wife didn't get the money this week," ses Mrs. Burtenshaw; "but ashe thought there might be a mistake somewhere he appeared to me insteadof to you. I've got to take the money by hand."

  "Yes, I heard," ses Bill; "and mind, if you should lose it or be robbedof it, let me know at once. D'ye hear? At once!"

  "Yes, Bill," ses 'is wife.

  They lay quiet for some time, although Mrs. Burtenshaw still kepttrembling and shaking; and then Bill ses. "Next time a man tells you he'as seen a ghost, p'r'aps you'll believe in 'im."

  Mrs. Burtenshaw took out the end of the sheet wot she 'ad stuffed in 'ermouth when 'e began to speak.

  "Yes, Bill," she ses.

  Bill Burtenshaw gave 'er the fifteen shillings next morning and everyFriday night arterwards; and that's 'ow it is that, while other wimmen'as to be satisfied looking at new hats and clothes in the shop-winders,Mrs. Burtenshaw is able to wear 'em.